Soul Care: How it’s Different from Self-Care

I had a bit of an epiphany the other day after my acupuncture treatment. See, I was all excited that I was treating myself to a bit of self-care before the session, but afterwards, I realized that what I’d experienced was not self-care at all–it was soul care. It’s a similar feeling to how you feel after an amazing facial, massage, Reiki treatment, or other type of hands-on beauty, wellness, or energy session.

Think about that feeling yourself. Think about how you felt right after the last treatment you received. What words and phrases come to mind? Peaceful? Relaxed? Blissful? Loved? Cared for? For me, after that acupuncture treatment, I felt completely relaxed and cared for. And that’s when I realized that what I had just experienced was not self-care at all. It was soul care.

The definition of self-care?can be confusing.

I was first introduced to the concept of self-care during my holistic nutrition education at the Institute for Integrative Nutrition?. The idea taught was that you cannot give from an empty cup. The now cliche examples that come up to describe the why behind self-care are how “when mom’s not happy, no one’s happy,” and of course how you’re always supposed to put on your own air mask before helping others during a plane crash.

But what is it exactly? Is it as simple as doing something nice for yourself just for the sake of doing something nice for yourself? That’s part of it, but if it was really that simple, then we wouldn’t have to have multiple blog posts, books, articles, and online courses dedicated to it.

It seems that self-care should be something that’s related to pampering or wellness in order to really be considered self-care, right? Something like a spa day, or massage, or really well-prepared nourishing meal? Maybe drinking enough water, meditating, doing yoga, or getting enough sleep? This is about the point where people get confused, and even overwhelmed and the self-conversation turns to “I can’t afford that,” or “who has time for that?” or “I’m not that kind of person (who needs to be pampered all the time).”

In my coaching practice, that’s typically when I tell my clients that self-care doesn’t have to be a big ordeal like an expensive spa retreat or time consuming yoga practice. It can be as simple as taking an extra long bath or shower with candles and relaxing music. Or as brief as a few sun salutations or rounds of deep breathing. Coaches like me who make this recommendation are well intended–and trust me, these little things do add up to really nice results. But there’s a problem with this kind of self-care–it another thing you “should” or “have to” do. It doesn’t necessarily seem like a treat. And no matter how great you are at at-home facial massage or giving yourself your own Reiki treatment (if you have Reiki), let’s face it–it’s not the same thing as having it done for you by someone else.

We all need to be cared for by someone else from time to time.

When I give myself facials at home with my own handmade products, that is self-care. When I clean and declutter my home to make it a pleasant environment to live and work in, that is self-care. When I cook a really nourishing meal for myself, that is self-care. Is the quality of what I do as good or better than what someone else could do for me? Sure. Does it save money? Absolutely. But does it give me the same feeling? It depends on what it is.

Cleaning my house–no matter how great I feel after it’s done–is just part of the routine. But having someone else clean my house–well THAT is a treat. While I give myself amazing facials, it’s not the same as getting a facial from an aesthetician at a spa (even though I still bring my own products!). I can’t zone out and fully relax, and I certainly won’t take a full hour or longer on my own skin. When I do yoga at home, it’s great–but it’s not the same as having helpful hands from my instructor adjust me when needed or give me a little extra love during savasana.

When we allow ourselves to be touched, cared for, guided, and yes–pampered–by others, it becomes soul care. Because we all deserve to not have to do the work all of the time. My acupuncture treatment was so amazing, because my acupuncturist was there for the sole reason to care for me. My only job was to be open and honest during the consultation, and then to just lie there and receive. The same goes for when I get a facial, or a massage, or a chiropractic adjustment. All I need to do is show up, maybe talk a little, then just lie there and receive.

While it does take self-motivation and self-action to get oneself to the acupuncturist, or spa, or wellness center–the treatment itself is not self-care because it is not delivered to oneself by oneself. So I’m drawing the line and calling this type of care soul care.

Self-care is still important.

Self-care is a positive–and usually pleasant–practice, routine, or treat that is delivered to oneself by oneself. It requires no outside help or location, little-to-no special equipment, little-to-no spending, and can be done for just a few minutes or for as long as you want. It’s great for stress management, lifting the mood, and maintaining one’s overall level of wellness. Keep doing it regularly. Keep making room for it on your calendar.

But also make room for soul care. It is equally important to allow yourself to be cared for by another person. It’s even better if it’s someone who doesn’t know you personally, because there won’t be any attachments or energetic baggage involved.

If regular soul care treatments aren’t in the budget for you, here are three?suggestions:

• Get treatments from the student clinic at a local school
• If you’re a wellness practitioner yourself, find a colleague or referral partner to trade services with
• Ask for soul care for gifts for holidays, birthdays, or any other time it’s gift giving time. Gift cards to wellness centers or spas that offer multiple modalities are great, so you can choose what resonates, when you want.

Remember–just because you can do something doesn’t mean you always have to be the one to do it for yourself.

I have a homework assignment for you. After you finish reading this, make a list of treatments you know you love to receive and treatments you’ve never received but have been dying to try. Then brainstorm out if you know anyone who provides those treatments that you can trade with, if there’s a gifting occasion coming up, or do an online search for student clinics in your area. Then, make an appointment!

I’d love to hear from you–does separating self-care from soul care make either or both easier for you?

Please share your thoughts in the comments!

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